WMST: self discovery

College Report #1
For me last semester was not really a good semester. After Thanksgiving break I became unfocused and lost sight of what I was at University of Maryland for. Over Winter break I was sad, confused, and hurt because I felt like I did not know who I was and looking over the fall semester I was a bad person that was not ready for college. I began to ask myself “Is this really who I am? Am I forcing this attitude? Is this who I really was along?” Well I was determined to find out, so this semester was better. I was very happy with my choice of classes because they were interesting classes that related to each other. I can not continue to write this paper without saying how much I enjoyed the semester and how much it helped me to grow as a person. I really enjoyed the Women’s Studies class because it seemed that I learned more by being allowed to think on my own and to share and express my own feelings about certain situations. In Women’s Studies I was able to think in a way that I believe I will not be able to ever think again in any class that I take in the future. It taught me not just about the study of women, but also to take what I know, what I learn, and how I feel and apply it to a class. To me it was not just a class but a place to clear my mind about things that have happened to me throughout the semester. I believe that by me taking this class I have become a better person mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It is only now that I appreciate the route that Ms. King took to teach the class so that we can better understand not only the value and real meaning of feminism, but also the value and real meaning of ourselves.
When I first entered this class I expected to learn, not taking into account the description of the class, about women’s rights, and things that women did to get those rights. Also I expected to learn about how women were treated, in general, throughout the years and was preparing myself to compare that with the way women are treated today. I also took this course to make my schedule lighter than last semester. I was surprised not only at the syllabus, but at the text that were required for the class. I was confused because I was trying to connect the required text with my expectations of the class. But then what really surprised me was the task of the first assignment. My first thought on the assignment was that it was a joke. I have never had a teacher before to ask their students to solely go to museums and to write about what you expected to see and to compare your assumptions with what you actually saw. After realizing that it was an actual assignment that had to be done I was excited about going to museums for“homework”. It humors me when I think of how I went home and told my brothers and sisters of the assignment that required me to go to museums, and how they complain of the fairness in the situation. Around this time I was trying to rebuild the relationship that I had had between my Dad. Last semester I had done some things that led him to not trust me and our relationship had grown weak and we were barley speaking. It hurt me to know that I had betrayed my dad to the point of him not talking to me, like he usually did. I want to reclaim that relationship back and this assignment seem to me to be a perfect start on the reconstruction. I invited him to go to the museum with me and was overjoyed when he accepted the offer. This acceptance made the assignment even more enjoyable. I can remember writing in my free-write that I did not expect my dad to accept my offer and that spending time with my dad and having us sharing our insights on artifacts that we saw expanded my views on the assignment because he gave thoughts that I thought were interesting. During the free-write I understood that I am not the person that I was last semester and I saw myself and even felt myself mature at that moment.
The second assignment I was excited to do because it really drew me closer to my discussion group and allowed me to make connection with different people. I admired the fact that she allowed us to use our imaginations in the assignment and allowed us freedom to roam mentally. I enjoyed discussing with my classmates the different ideas that we had. I was shocked after talking to my TA, that most of my classmates saw me as a mediator. When my TA informed me of what my classmates labeled me as I began to think about how I was a “peer mediator” in high school. I really did not have much experience with the title, although I knew what was expected of me I was still unsure about what to do exactly. Here in college I find myself mediating without me even realizing it. Through this assignment I realized that I am a good friend and that, in some way, I am a balanced person. I realized that my friends can trusted me to be there when they need me and that I can help people. I began to gain hope that I am not half as bad as I thought. The third assignment was exciting as well. I was not worried about picking out a partner for the assignment because me I had become well acquainted with one of my classmates and was hoping that we could get better acquainted and become good friends. Once I found out that we would be working in pairs I immediately asked if she wanted to be my partner and she accepted. At this point of the semester I began to feel like I was only one going through certain situations and that nobody had problems the way I did. As I talked with my partner and learned about her and her family I began to realize burdens that she carry or have carried. I realized that she has had her share of problems just like I have had mine. During the free-write in class on the assignment I wrote that I enjoyed learning that although everybody may not have the same experiences in life we all go through obstacles and that is what makes us who we are.
Through these assignments I have come to realize that I am not who I was last semester. I may not be able to give an explanation for my actions last semester, but I am happy to know that the person that did not make good choices last semester is not real and that I am better than that. All throughout this semester I have gain new friends that will encourage me to make the right choices and have lost friends that were bad influences on me. I have grown not only physically, which I cannot really tell, but mentally, emotionally, and intellectually. In the third assignment I spoke of how being the oldest child is, basically, a blessing and a curse in one. How people expect so much from me and expect me to make a path for my younger siblings and make assumptions of what to expect from my siblings. I realize that this burden is not as bad as it seems. I realized that I am more blessed than cursed because so many people expect positive things from me and expect me to “make it”.
The readings also helped me during this semester. Three that really stood out to me were: Fight like a Girl: How to Be a Feminist, Chicana Art, and Kindred. The first book Fight like a Girl: How to Be a Feminist caught my attention first because of the cover. The fact that the cover was simply colorful, to me, and had a woman with boxing gloves I expected to read stories of how women overcame trials and tribulations in their life and give examples of feminism. I was surprised when I read it for the first time and realized that it was actually a manual on how to carry out activism activities and how to get involved in some of the situations that is going on. The second book I was astounded at the amount of art that it contained. When there were other readings in this book I would only get half of the reading done because I would get stuck looking at the art in the book and found myself trying to depict what it meant and compare it to what I though it was. I enjoyed talking about art work out of this book in discussion because I enjoyed hearing how other people saw the art and what their feelings were. I remember one time in lecture when we were to find a piece of artwork out this book and had to discuss it with a partner and how one girl picked out a dark picture, that I felt was a depressing picture, but she thought it was pretty. When she said this I was shocked and thought “how does she find it pretty?” and then I look at it from her perspective and saw that it was pretty, in its own way. The last book I enjoyed reading because it was different from what I read. When Ms. King first stated that it was a science fiction book, I immediately expected the book to be related to something such as Star Wars or Star Trek. I could not make the connection with my expectations and the cover of the book. When I first start reading the book I was caught of guard by what happens because it was a blend of reality and science fiction, but it also included history. I enjoyed the book because I felt that I could relate to the “flash backs” that the main character had to the slave days. I read it as if it was me going back to those days and on some occasions getting mad and frustrated in the beginning when she was trying to explain to her husband what happened.
BUT, through the semester I believe that this was the most interesting course that I took and I really enjoyed it. I believe that this course was a story abut self discovery, for me. Although I am far from growing and finding myself fully, I believe that because of this class I’m on the right track.